Collecting Madpeople:
Bruce Woodbury and Enid Westberg

While the smileys are the most obvious example, there are many more things they collect. There are a lot of the fairly normal hipster collectible things: tiki stuff, weird records, Japanese toys, and pulp novels. And lunchboxes, of course—lots and lots of them. But I'd like to concentrate on some of the more odd collections in their house, like ... sock monkeys. If you are unaware of this truly stunning art form, a sock monkey is a handmade doll, made of long brown socks sewed together, forming the arms and legs of the monkey. Enid has about 80 of these precious (or scary, depending on your viewpoint) little creatures. (She got into sock monkeys from her niece, who evidently has about 300. That's THREE HUNDRED SOCK MONKEYS.) Enid even has some strange variations like sock bunnies, though the monkeys are by far the most common. She also has a few of the special socks that are used for these creatures, ready to be stitched up into a brand new monkey friend.

Something else you don't commonly see is a doily collection. Enid explains that bringing hundreds of doilies together makes for "a real strong little old lady energy. Some people can't handle it." Yes, the burliest of he-men will apparently recoil in agony when confronted with a myriad of lacy doilies. Luckily, they are hidden away most of the time, only coming out for the Spudnuts Memorial Tea Party and Doily Festival held yearly in honor of their late cat Spudnuts. (I am not making this up! I swear!) A few can be spotted, however, draped over Godzilla dolls, frogs (another favorite of Enid's) or other unwitting objects that God knows you'd never expect to find under a cute little lacy cover-up.

Bruce's collection of Shriner stuff, however, is proudly shown off in a tall glass case. All manner of fezzes and Shriner objects (plates, tie tacks, you name it) visibly exude the drunken manly vibe of the lodge culture. Indeed, one can imagine the energy forces of the Doilies and the Shriners, battling it out silently in the hallway! Besides making quite a striking display, these things have been put to use for yet another event, the Fez Party.

Another thing in the house that some people find disturbing is Enid's troll collection. Bruce originally scoffed at her rapidly-accruing pile of Troll dolls (yes, those of the big neon hair and belly button jewels), until she pointed out that some of them were from the '60s and he decided that made it all right. I suppose Enid gets her trolls in the usual places for scoring coveted collectibles, although I did manage to find out that she has a "troll connection" named Bubba. Now how many people can say that?

Those are the major themes of their collections, but there are also lots of other things they've managed to gather quite a few of, like big-eyed animal paintings, "I Love You This Much" and related statuettes, 60's flower pins, and hedgehogs. Just when you think you've taken it all in, a random glance at a previously unnoticed nook will reveal something astonishing, like a glass fish-tank full of Simpsons dolls (with hula skirt and lei draped intriguingly around it). Even Enid's car reveals another collection—the dashboard is covered from end to end with little green frogs.

Such a well-stocked house cries out to be seen by others, and perhaps this is part of the impetus for the many social events Bruce and Enid throw each year. In addition to the Spudnuts Memorial and the Fez Party, they have been known to throw Bad Art parties (bring it or come dressed as it) and Halloween costume parties (where one year, dressed tastefully as a ho, I was amazed when Bruce suddenly put on an entire pimp costume, thrown together from stuff he just happened to have in his closet). And of course, the social event of the season is their annual Luau Party, where having all that tiki stuff really comes in handy-it's nice that each guest can choose their own coconut mug for the scary rum punches they serve. I was sad to miss it last year, because I heard they had some wild dancing Tiki Goddess chick breathing fire or something!! Damn!

As I drove home after touring their house, one terrifying thought kept going through my head. Whenever I'd ask Bruce or Enid how they got started on a certain collection, the answer invariably came back, "Well, I just wanted to get ONE ..." That's how the collecting madness starts for those who succumb to its call. A simple desire for a plastic troll becomes transformed into an never-ending drive to get enough trolls for an army; a couple of smiley faces take over an entire ROOM. Beware, would-be collectors out there! Like they say in anti-drug educational films, you might think you just want to try ONE—but before you know it, you could be going down ... DOWN INTO THE CRAZY WORLD OF ... THE COLLECTING MADNESS!!!